Two Teams Enter, Hopefully Neither Leaves

Dear UNC and Duke fans,
Listen, we get it. We know you folks hate each other. It makes the basketball season more fun for you. But someone needs to say something. The rest of the country doesn't care.

It's like one of you is Master Blaster and the other is Mad Max in Beyond Thunderdome. Sure, you want to kill the other, but the rest of us are Tina Turner, and we secretly hope you kill each other in the Dome (the ACC championship) so we can enjoy Bartertown (NCAA Tournament) in peace (Pulitzer committee, I'm up to my ears in analogies if you're interested.)

Now I know many of you will say that rivalries are a great part of sports and the UNC-Duke rivalry might be the greatest of them all. Well let's look at the facts:

Exhibit #1 - Shut up, nerds. (This is how the judicial system works)

Also, "you suck at rape?" Uh, sadly, both schools are probably fairly awesome at rape, like every other school in the country. Yikes, this imaginary letter took a sharp turn.

We hope this finds you both well, and we hope to never hear from either of you again.

Sincerely,
Everyone else

P.S. The video nails it about you Duke girls though. Yeesh.