Fantasy Rock Band

Stephen Malkmus hearts fantasy sports. The former Pavement frontman would probably be on my Fantasy Rock Band team. Or you know, maybe he could just come over to my house, we'd sit around, drink some beer, and he'd be like, "hey, what do you want to do today," and I'd be all like, "shit man, I don't know," and then he'd be like, "want to play some pinball or something, because I don't have shit to do today except perform a concert in your living room for your friends, but in the meantime, we should probably just drink and hang out cause you're such an awesome guy." And I'd be like, "sure, Stephen Malkmus, I can hang out for a bit, but then I have to go bowling with David Bowie." That's how Fantasy Rock Band works if you've never played before.


thanks, Guha

I've never seen any of Danny McBride's movies, but funny people think he's funny, so that's good, right?

http://www.hbo.com/events/eastbounddown/

McBride plays a down-on-his-luck baseball player, looking to make it back to the top. Hopefully it's as funny as The Wrestler. I tell ya, when Marissa Tomei is stripdancing, and the camera pans across the soul-crushing club full of dead-eyed slobs, I actually slapped my knee. Then I curled up into a ball - fully clothed - in the shower.

Rickey Proud of Rickey Plaque For All That Rickey Has Done. Rickey.

Rickey Henderson was rewarded for all of Rickey’s achievements today by having Rickey’s face frozen in carbonite. As the greatest base stealer in history, let’s look back at some of Rickey’s greatest steals:

1. Downloaded Chinese Democracy two months before its official release
2. That time Rickey's ghost runner stole third when Nolan Ryan wasn’t looking. Yes huh it counts.
3. The discount Rickey got by buying the whole duvet set instead of just the duvet cover.
4. Didn’t Rickey used to do cocaine? Rickey probably stole some cocaine.
5. The souls of some Native Americans with Rickey’s trusty Nikon.
6. Kisses from Rickey’s high school sweetheart, who later became Rickey’s wife and the mother of Rickey’s three beautiful children (It’s about love, people).

My god, is this the rush David Letterman feels every night? Generating lists makes me feel like a god on stolen cocaine.


photo by Piero Sierra

Two Teams Enter, Hopefully Neither Leaves

Dear UNC and Duke fans,
Listen, we get it. We know you folks hate each other. It makes the basketball season more fun for you. But someone needs to say something. The rest of the country doesn't care.

It's like one of you is Master Blaster and the other is Mad Max in Beyond Thunderdome. Sure, you want to kill the other, but the rest of us are Tina Turner, and we secretly hope you kill each other in the Dome (the ACC championship) so we can enjoy Bartertown (NCAA Tournament) in peace (Pulitzer committee, I'm up to my ears in analogies if you're interested.)

Now I know many of you will say that rivalries are a great part of sports and the UNC-Duke rivalry might be the greatest of them all. Well let's look at the facts:

Exhibit #1 - Shut up, nerds. (This is how the judicial system works)

Also, "you suck at rape?" Uh, sadly, both schools are probably fairly awesome at rape, like every other school in the country. Yikes, this imaginary letter took a sharp turn.

We hope this finds you both well, and we hope to never hear from either of you again.

Sincerely,
Everyone else

P.S. The video nails it about you Duke girls though. Yeesh.